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A Fine Line Between 'Arr' And 'Argh'

Today was it for summer session. Technically there are exams on Saturday, but I won't be at work, so as far as I'm concerned, that's it. And so to celebrate, I attempted to amputate my right hand at the wrist. But for some foolish reason I didn't use a blade. No, I tried the new-fangled method of catching it between a study carrol I was moving and a support pillar I wasn't. And before you ask why I did such a thing, I'll tell you: I'm thinking of becoming a pirate.

Now, I know what you're thinking. But it is the next logical step for a librarian, after all. And so easy! Chop a hand off, replace it with a hook, and I'm in. Yes, it's a pirate's life for me. Pillaging & plundering, wenching & rumming, plus all the doubloons I can steal. Altho' I did get the contracts & doubloons for "The Book of Ant" from my wise and kindly editor, who sends me mysterious greetings from Cincinatti for some reason. Bless you, sir. Expect a reply in kind.