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Tropism Asks, I Answer

The interview meme has come round again, and I, for one, welcome it. Last time Jason interviewed me, and now Tim does me the honor:

1.) Dewey Decimal or Library of Congress? Why?

Ah, Library of Congress. No question.

My official librarian reason is that Dewey Decimal does a poor job in handling large collections, never mind the fact that it doesn't do fiction.

My unofficial librarian reason is that I greatly enjoy the look on the students' faces in my bib instruction sessions when I tell them, "Unlike Dewey Decimal, Library of Congress uses letters and numbers. Don't worry about what the letters stand for, because they don't mean a damn thing." It's the one point when I'm guaranteed a laugh.

2.) One morning: Poof! Your cats can talk! What's the first thing they say to you?

By an amazing coincidence, my brother did this exact question as a presentation in elementary school. My dad took pictures, Paul wrote a script, and we taped narration to go along with a slideshow. As I recall, I played the voice of our cat Franklin, providing all sorts of factual information about the lives of cats from the encyclopedia and elsewhere. Sadly, none of it was really insider stuff, like the best techniques to picking sunny spots, or how to run down a rabbit larger than you, or how to dash across the street in front of the mail truck without spending another life.

Having said that, I'd like to think my cats would offer such useful insights, but probably it'd be more along the lines of, "If you leave the lid off the food bucket tonight, we promise not to wake you up at 5am for breakfast any more."

3.) If you had to give up reading fiction, or give up writing fiction, which would you choose?

Clearly, as if I want to be a Serious Artiste, my answer should be that I'd give up reading fiction. But that would be such a blatant and shameless lie I won't even attempt it. I'd give up writing first.

4.) You have unimpeachable evidence that a high-ranking US government official (not the president, but say a Cabinet position) is actually a hideous alien monster from beyond the stars, with uncertain motives, in human disguise. What, if anything, do you do with this information?

It's Donald Rumsfeld. Isn't it? It would explain a lot. C'mon, you can tell me.

Many things come to mind. One would be to write a novel fictionalizing the event, then get it in front of an agent right at the same time the media finds out about Secretary Kodos. With luck a publishing house bidding war would break out, and I'd get to save the world and get a best-seller at the same time.

The one thing I'd really want to do, however, would be to try and figure out some way to make sure that, when it finally does come out, Fox News, Rush Limbaugh, & the rest can't pin responsibility for it on liberals.

5.) Would you rather be blind, deaf, or have a neurological disorder that made it impossible for you differentiate one face from another but that otherwise left your vision unchanged?

Frankly, I think I'm already starting to suffer from the last two. People keep coming up to the reference desk, greeting me like old pals and talking like I've helped them many times before. Whole time I'm thinking, "Have we met?" And then I have to ask them to repeat themselves because I can't hear a thing they're saying. Mumblers, the lot of them. But if I can only pick one, I'll go with deafness, because I could still read (probably be a lot easier to concentrate, actually), and I could always get a cochlear implant.

Rules to be included if you want to play:

  1. Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
  2. I will respond; I'll ask you five questions.
  3. You'll update your journal with my five questions, and your five answers.
  4. You'll include this explanation.
  5. You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.