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Things I Learned In Vegas

  • You'll get neckstrain gawking at the sheer elaborateness of the hotels. Bring aspirin.
  • The hotels are so far apart, you'll also get sore feet. Drive and check the car with the valet.
  • If you rent a bright blue PT Cruiser, after a couple days the hotel valets will start to recognize it, so be sure to tip.
  • The most delicious buffet in town is the Bellagio's.
  • The most expensive buffet in town is also the Bellagio's. It is, however, worth it.
  • The best show in town is the Blue Man Group at the Luxor (according to both me and the local paper).
  • The worst show in town is Michael Flatley's Lord of the Dance (according to the review in the local paper. I took their word for it).
  • The Star Trek Experience at the Hilton is only recommended if you're a diehard Trekker.
  • If the hotel you stay at has a crappy check-in system, not only will it take 45 minutes to check in, they're very likely to send someone 'round to pound on your door after midnight to see if your room is occupied.
  • If they do this, when you get up the next morning make sure they comp you for the night.
  • When you gamble in the casinos, the cocktail waitresses will bring you free drinks.
  • The longer you gamble, the more likely you will lose. Especially if you drink.
  • While all cocktail waitresses wear incredibly short skirts, not all of them should.
  • Do not, under any circumstances whatsoever, use the ATM machines in the casinos. Go off the Strip to a real bank.
  • Most every place in Vegas seems to have a few slot machines. Like the convenience stores. And the grocery stores.
  • Dimes are worthless. And the only machines that will take pennies are the stamp machines.
  • If it's too windy out, the Buccaneer Bay pirate show at Treasure Island will be cancelled, for fear of setting the wrong thing on fire. Like the actors.
  • Remember that old episode of Friends where they go to Vegas and run into Joey working at Caesar's Palace? They didn't film that there. Also, no one will wish you a togarrific time.
  • Don't miss the free light show off Fremont Street, in Old Las Vegas. Better yet, it's been converted into a pedestrian walkway, so you don't have to worry about getting run over while you stand there gawking at it.
  • There's a really cool used bookstore in town called the Book Magician. Go there. After all, you'll need something to read on the plane home. It does not have any slot machines, but it does have a cat named Hamlet.
  • If you have the time and a rental car, drive around. We drove up to Zion National Park in Utah (passing through Arizona on the way) one day, and over to California to pass near both the Mojave National Preserve and Death Valley.
  • If you do travel outside of town, bring water. And gas up the car first.
  • You can have an excellent time in Las Vegas without ever gambling. But why?
In other news, upon our return the mail held a 10 day form rejection from Alchemy (with personal comments added below), as well as payment & my signed copy of the contract for my contributions to Eggplant Literary Productions' Library. Email also had an email telling me I'd sold a poem to the Unspeakable Scifaiku poetry storybook coming from Sam's Dot Publishing in July. Also 42 junk emails.

Recently read (on the plane): Ithanalin's Restoration, by Lawrence Watt-Evans; The Paths of the Dead, by Steven Brust (who is now living in Vegas, by the way, and is listed in the phone book); and Golden Cities, Far, an anthology of classic myth & legend.